okesanne

Dealing with the day

little finch feathers

clareybabbling

3 bedroom bungalow

and one more means four

Today, S woke up with a temperature, the washing machine broke, (although its fixed now)and my 3 year old had a temper tantrum and slammed the door so hard it managed to get wedged and he got locked in the living room.

I managed to get a screw driver and "unlock" him. I then decided to try and fix said door, so un-screwed the door handle to realise that I had no idea what I was actually doing, so just screwed the dam thing back on again.
S got a bit upset cos I was shouting at E "you've gone and locked yourself I...arrggghhh I cant get you out!!" etc etc. He was concerned with the fact that "someone" was locked in "somewhere".

My 3year old is now playing with play-doh, S is still ill and dozing and whilst writing this after everything has calmed down..Ive realised Ive not actually had time to eat anything today (3 year old had a plate of sandwiches, carrot, cucumber, ham and cheese for tea!) so I'm off to make sausage sandwiches...cos that's what I want!!

I wanted to post about a couple of networks that Ive joined in the past few weeks which I think are really good and have already enabled me to meet some other autism parents and blogger
They are the autism-network and the britishmummybloggers.

Both these sites are social networks set up by individuals. They both work on the same principal and offer you a place to blog, join groups, add discussions and meet like minded people.

The autism-network is for anyone with an interest in the autistic spectrum, from individuals with autism to parent/carers of children of any age. Its a world wide network, and its member numbers are growing everyday. Ive already met some people on there and I update my blog posts regularly. The site also has a resources page and is continually updated, so I recommend joining if you have an interest in ASD.

As for British mummy bloggers (BMB) Don't let the name fool you, its for Dads aswell!
This is a wonderful network to met up with other UK parent blogger's. Ive met some great people on there already and discovered some wonderful blogs, which i would never have found other wise. There are lots of groups from regional, to media requests, and of course my own autism parents group! Its a busy friendly group which always has something going on, and is open to any parent blogger in the UK.

So there you go, a brief look at my 2 favourite networks, !! I definitely recommend joining either or both of them, depending on your interests.

Someone told me about them, and if they hadn't, then I would never had known, so I thought I would do the same, enjoy.

I've not posted for a week as I have been busy finishing my last essay for the open university course i have been doing since October. But I'm glad to say Ive finished it and one more read through and its sent....its finished and I'm relieved!!

Ive decided to focus my time now on this blog and other Autism related things. The blog has had such a great response since i started it up again, and I'm quite shocked that people actually want to hear about what I have to say if I'm honest!

Its helped me believe that I can deal with Autism and I have ideas and knowledge that I can share with others, that could make a difference, and that I can contribute a lot to the Autism community.
Its also been a great way to meet other autism parents and share ideas and thoughts on ways to help, which has been one of the best things about the blog, and the other networking sites that I'm on.

So that's it for now. Once this essay has been sent I can celebrate and then concentrate on learning more about autism, meeting more people, sharing what knowledge I have through the blog, and creating a lot more, hopefully interesting, posts... so watch out!!

Ruby is a Yorkshire terrier. We have had her since December and she is now 6 months old. I got her for 2 reasons.

1. company for me when the kids are staying at their dads some weekends and just company in general and
2. for S...so she is also a therapeutic dog.

I thought it would help S to show emotions, if that's the right phrase...I'm not sure, it makes him sound Vulcan!!

Put it this way if I want a cuddle from him or a kiss I literally have to pin him down and hold on to him for dear life and cuddle him, with him loosely putting his arms half way around me for 5 seconds then letting go. All very emotional less. His 3 year old brother E on the other hand is always cuddling me and kissing me and likes nothing better than to hold hands while we watch the TV...a complete contrast!! *(the contrast and how different it is now, having a non-autsim child is another blog post!)

So I thought a dog would help S to show his feelings and it has worked!!

hurrah...one mission accomplished!!

He cuddles her and plays with her and likes to have her sitting on his lap and he does show emotional towards her....to the point now where he wont leave her alone!

He still never cuddles me, I have to ask for a "limp" cuddle but I'm used to it. Its just good to see him actually taking an emotional interest and showing that he is capable of it, in his own way.

Ok one minute he can be all over the dog, then the next its as if she isn't there...its never contestant like you or I would be with a pet but....its worked and he loves Ruby, as we all do.

Just a quick update on the trip to the Doctors.

Basically he said I have to turn " the Dark " into a positive so that S is no longer scared of the dark. Well, blow me....what an insight I would never had thought of that!! (sorry....sarcasm!)

I asked him about a referral to sort out the dark and anxiety issues, it was ignored. I have to make the dark fun for S so that it no longer scares him. Well I hardly sit there going " oh yes Sam being in the dark is very scary so I'm not surprised you don't like it." do I !!!

I always reassure him that there's nothing to be scared off: nothing will get him and nothing will get in the house etc etc etc.

Is it me? Am I making more of the problem that it is? I'm beginning to think so. I know its not a life threatening problem but if S has said he is getting fed up of being scared of the dark and if I'm noticing that his anxiety levels on the whole seem to be rising then I think it IS a problem and I need more help to rectify that, as I have done all I can do on my own.

I just don't seem to be getting the help that I need and I'm not sure why.

I'm taking S to the Doctors tomorrow. I never take him to see the GP about his autism, because, to be honest I rarely have to see anyone. Its not a curable disease or something that can be "treated" with medication so I just carry on and deal with what ever is thrown at me. However Ive decided to take him because I want a referral to the children's mental health team.

Why do I want this? Because S is developing what I call Night anxiety (there probably is a technical term but I prefer my own!)

As soon as it gets dark S changes into a frightened little child who is scared of his own shadow. Anything makes him jump, he will not leave my side whatsoever and all lights must be on in the room we are in and surrounding rooms. Any noise will make him jump, even if its me asking him something, he will start to cry saying "I've scared him". His eyes flicker around the room as if hes looking for something and he sits huddled up with a frightened look on his face. He also suffers more and more with bad dreams and thinks that monsters are going to come and get him so i have to make sure there are no gaps in the curtains.

His whole persona changes, his face has a "scared look" on it, he talks in a baby voice and he shows signs of anxiety....fiddling with his hands and his general body language

Its getting to the point now where its becoming a problem, for him and for me so I need to try and stop it in its tracks before it takes over.
He only does it at home, which leads me to believe I know what the cause is. He is fine when he stays at his Dads (he says because its a flat nothing will get him because the monsters are not sure which flat to pick)
This leads me to believe that the underlying cause is the fact that we privately rent this house and he knows that someone else owns it, not us. Maybe this insecurity is causing the problem, thinking that we could be "kicked out" as the saying goes.

I'm trying to get a council house because I think that then I could tell him it is "our" house and we are never going to move again and this will stop a lot of his thoughts/anxieties. (I say trying, I have no idea of when/ if this is going to happen...another story in itself)

So we will see if the Doctor will refer him or if he just dismisses it as nothing, and I'll post what happens....in the meantime if you have any thoughts please leave a comment.

Ive been trying to persuade S to go to the shop, which is only 2 minutes away, for ages now. He wont go. He said he is too scared to go on his own....which is fair enough.

Friday afternoon he went with his friends to the shop to get something, a cap gun. Then Saturday morning he got up and shouted "is the shop open?" I said yes, and the next thing i know he is dressed and running around saying hes going down the shop to get some caps for this toy gun. After a manic few minutes of me trying to talk to him, have you got your phone, have you got money, what are you going to do after etc, He went of to the shop...on his own...end off!

So because *he* wanted something desperately that was within reach he didn't give anything else a thought...."I need caps from the shop" was his motivation and nothing could distract him from that! If I had said...get me some milk while you are there...he would have said "no, I'm not going then!"
It always has been on his terms....everything from playing to learning. The school call this manipulation!! yes...they have no idea, don't even get me started!!

I always say he sees life with blinkers on....he is purely motivated by what he wants..because that is how his brain is wired! He cannot see other peoples perspective or their needs. he is driven by his own needs. If those needs cannot be met, that's it...meltdown time. if something happened or needs to be done that doesn't fall within the remit of his wants and needs....its not going to happen, unless i can turn it around to fit him. I'm always 5 steps ahead, or at least try to be. He has always been like this, since birth, never interested in anyone or anything unless it can help him, because he cannot see any other way of looking at things. I have no idea if this makes any sense...please let me know! All I do know is that.....

This isn't manipulation....this is autism....

Yes I've decided to start blogging again!! Why....well its all thanks to twitter.

Yesterday I sent a tweet which to me was just a normal tweet...
( my first attempt at trying to get a screen print to work. hopefully you can read it!)



I sent this then probably went a made a cuppa. When I went back to twitter I had so many replies I was gob smacked! My twitter friends were saying how good that was and asking me questions, I even had people tweeting me who had seen it on the timeline.






I don't post a lot about autism on twitter for 2 reasons.
1. This is where i have fun!
2. I thought i would bore people and no one really wants to hear about it.

I think I may have been wrong! People do want to hear about autsim, maybe not on twitter all the time but they do want to read about how people deal with autism and what happens in day to day life.

So Ive decided to carry on with this blog and concentrate on the autism issues I face and how my son and I deal with them (or not!) I always try and help other people I come across as my son was diagnosed when he was 3 in 2003 so alot of people ask me about autism as I've been dealing with it for so many years.

I'm now thinking that this blog may be the best way to help other parents and it will also help me to remember I'm not alone in this.


My hope is that people read the coming posts and learn, share and tell other people about it and i can try and make a small difference in the huge world of Autism!!

So that's it for now... please leave any comments you have and pimp my blog!!!