One with, One without: autism

S was Diagnosed in 2003, when he was 3, with High functioning autism. Now he comes across as any other boy, makes jokes, plays games and watches spongebob. Its not apparent he has a difficulty so people either think he is naughtly, has odd ways, or do not take us seriously.
He is like any other boy...and he has autism.
E was born in 2005, and does not have autism. He acts in ways that I had no idea about, laughs at my jokes, acts like a clown, plays with toys and watches spongebob too.
He is like any other boy...just like his brother
This is my musings, experiances, and anything else as the mum of one son with autism, and one son without it. I hope it makes a difference.

Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts

Deaf...? what did you say?

Hello!
As I said in my last post, I'm only gonna post if anything happens....and a couple of things have occurred which, I thought I would post about. ( we live a very uneventful life really!!)

The other week we all went to one of the museum's in Cambridge. It all started out well, we went on the bus, fine, got off and went into town, fine, then S said can I look in the Disney shop for a new Woody. Hes always been into Toy story, and we have LOADS of Woody's!
I said ok because he had turned the last one into Rimmer from red dwarf (drew a H on his forehead!) and we couldn't get it off, so he wanted a new one.

So I bought him one and he got it out he box etc and from that point on, it all went a bit downhill. He turned in to Autistic S, his body language changed, he became very ridgid in his movements, his speech became very toddler like. OK so its not really down hill but- before I had bought him the Woody, he was acting just like any other child.

TO cut a long story short, he got a bit bored in the museum in the end, and he also said he was scared in there so we went to the shop and I got a few little things, and I turned round and there he was, crying his eyes out! I sat him down asking him whats the matter and in between the crying he said he wanted a fan and couldn't have one because I had already bought him stuff but he didn't know they were there!! I sat there thinking...."all this crying over a 75p FAN!!
I bought him one and he was absolutely fine, fanning himself because it was hot, and then he started to return to acting like an everyday child, like he was when we got to Cambridge.

Its so bizarre how he can act in different ways, changing suddenly. He's always has been like this since he started school, acts just like the rest of the kids in school, then acts completely different at home, hiding his autism from his peers. I put the change in Cambridge down being out of routine, a new place to visit which he had not been to before, all the usual stuff, but it still amazes me, and makes me wonder if he realises he acts one way, then another so quickly? Although hes been acting quite "baby like" lately because its the holidays.

The second snippet is basically S is of to have another hearing test because we think he may be slightly Deaf. When he was under 5, he had lots of ear infections, and perforated his ear drum twice. At about 6 they tested his hearing and he was deaf in one ear, BUT it resolved itself. so I thought!! The thinking now is that maybe he just got used to it, because the other day I was calling and calling him, and he had his back to me. After shouting at him, he turned round and said to me, all ''matter of fact..."you know I cant hear you unless I'm looking at you"

OMG! well I went to the Doctors, hence the hearing test, which we are waiting for. The Doctor seemed quite convinced that he was maybe lip reading a bit to compensate.
BTW I saw a new Doctor and she was LOVELY!! she took his autism into account, even ASKED ME ABOUT IT!! I nearly fell over in shock!!!!

Ill post about the results of the hearing test, not sure when the appointment is gonna be yet, soon hopefully!! apart from that we are all just milling around waiting for the school hols to finish cos we are BORED!
Oh and Ive taken up knitting socks!! its quite therapeutic really and I'm making cool stripey socks for S at the moment!!

And I almost forgot... I passed my open university course so I now have a Cert. in humanities! woho00oo

Touch wood

Helloo!

I'm still here, but Ive not had much to blog about lately on the autism front.

I don't want to fill this blog up with useless, boring posts, about how I broke my little toe the other day (true, and ow) so there will be times where I don't post for a while, but the blogs still active!!

As I say, nothing much has happened, touch wood, well, I did tell S that I would start giving him pocket money ( hes grasping the money concept well now) if he keep his room tidy.

He said "no, I'm not doing THAT".

I said " right OK then, just don't ask me for any money for the shop."

He hasn't, so that worked well then didn't it!

He also went for a group visit to his new middle school, called a transition group for the kids that may have trouble adjusting to the new school life. He said it was boring because they just went in and out of each classroom, being told what happened in each room. Oh well, I think overall he will be fine, we may have ropey first week, but lets wait and see.

That's it, everything been great, the housing people agreed with my appeal that I should be able to bid on 3 bedroom council houses, (they said I could only bid on 2 bed) so that's sorted, and Ive signed up for my next Open university course - creative writing!! Crikey!

Its twitter and this blogs fault I'm doing it..it seems to have been a natural journey, as I wanted (and people have agreed its a good idea!) to write a autism book, based on this blog, for UK parents. I still want to, but found it hard to organised my thoughts, so hence the course. In the meantime, Ive tumbeled into writing fiction for the first time, and have an idea for a novel about a boy with autism. I'm also writing some short stories, so I'm going to just go with the flow, and see where it all takes me.

Thanks to everyone for all the brilliant comments , they really make my day and encourage me.

So I'll blog when something autism related happens instead of boring you about my little toe or what I had for dinner last night......just follow me on twitter for that!

Learning all over again

Its really quite strange, but I knew that my youngest son E, didn't have autism from the moment he was born!

He looked at me, that's it. No sixth sense or anything, he just looked at me. As the weeks and months progressed, it was obvious he didn't have autism, and it was a completely new concept for me to get my head around!

It still amazes me today at the things that my youngest does, things that most parents take for granted. I never took anything for granted with S, and things that children learn automatically, from copying/imitating/instinct, never happened, so I had to teach him. I never realised this until I had my youngest, who learned things on his own, then I realised that S didn't have that ability. (he was my first child so I didn't know any different)
S rarely looked at me as a baby/toddler, and when he was older he used to take me by the hand if he wanted something, I was a tool that he could use to obtain things, and then when he got what he needed, I was no longer necessary.
Sounds harsh I know, but that's how it was. There was no emotional attachment, unlike my youngest who looked at me, wanted cuddles, wanted to be with me and wanted to get things for himself, and would only resort to asking me to help him if he couldn't do It!

Even now my youngest wants me to sit with him, do things with him and It took a lot of getting used too! I was used to a child that wanted to be left on his own, didn't make a fuss, or the extreme was having to do strange things or drawing that used to last all day because he would do the same thing over and over again, tantrums because he didn't understand, it was extremes, one or the other, no in between.
I was also used to a child that couldn't speak until around the age of 4, that didn't ask questions, that wasn't interested in going out side to play, or interested in the world around him.

I didn't realise what I, or S to be honest, had missed out on in the early years. My youngest is always playing with toys, pretend playing, cuddling me (that was a new concept for me!) asking questions, trying to write, trying to read...the list is endless.

Having my first child with autism, then one without autism,has been difficult, its taken a long time to adjust to the differences and its been a steep learning curve because I didn't know what a child without autism did! I still ask my friends if E "should be doing this" because I don't know.
In a way its like having a first child and knowing nothing, and learning to be a parent all over again.

Baby face

Ive been busy the past week or so but Ive finally got round to writing a new post!

S has been OK ish the last couple of weeks, although lately Ive noticed he has changed his DVD viewing habits. Hes taken to watching cbeebies DVDs or big cook little cook and pingu. Ok so that's not a bad thing, nothing to worry about really but take that along with the fact that hes been a a little bit different, I'm wondering if there's something up with him.

The "Dark" thing has not been an issue to much, yes all the lights are on and yes he still says "Dark..take me to bed!" but its not a huge impact on our lives.

He has though been quieter than usual at times, being on his own more and showing his "babyface" as i call it. "Baby face" is when he starts to act differently. His facial expression is different, that of a scared toddler, he talks differently, calling me "mama" and his voice sounds all "babyish". He has always done this so I'm used to it. I think its a form of regression, to act like a toddler again, because he finds it difficult being his age, the demands of school etc and its a dam sight easier to act like a baby/toddler. I always wonder if there is a reason that triggers him to act like this, or if its just the way his autism is with him, periods of regression at home and then times when he acts pretty much OK. Ive never been able to find out a reason from him, and I think its because he cannot actually express the way he is feeling. I'm not even sure if he knows himself. I'm leaning towards the ...the way his autism is with him... theory but what with the changes coming up I hope that they don't push him further into a regression.

The big change is coming up in September (I have to start thinking about it now, well actually Ive been thinking about before now!) as he goes to middle school. Ive already had to explain that he will be going every day as he thought it would be only once a week and he would be staying at primary school! The new school have been great so far so I have no worries about him going, he is going to do well and get a lot of support for a change, which will help improve his reading (its a few years behind because he doesn't "do" books) I wonder if he is thinking about changing school, and that is the reason he has changed lately, but when I ask him he says no, and says everything is fine, as usual. I just hope he copes OK with the change after a few weeks of settling in. With support he should do.

So that's it so far, I hope that my ramblings have made sense! I find it quite hard sometimes as everything that S does is "normal" to me, so I have to think "is this worth writing about"! So far, so good though!

Autism/blogger networks

I wanted to post about a couple of networks that Ive joined in the past few weeks which I think are really good and have already enabled me to meet some other autism parents and blogger
They are the autism-network and the britishmummybloggers.

Both these sites are social networks set up by individuals. They both work on the same principal and offer you a place to blog, join groups, add discussions and meet like minded people.

The autism-network is for anyone with an interest in the autistic spectrum, from individuals with autism to parent/carers of children of any age. Its a world wide network, and its member numbers are growing everyday. Ive already met some people on there and I update my blog posts regularly. The site also has a resources page and is continually updated, so I recommend joining if you have an interest in ASD.

As for British mummy bloggers (BMB) Don't let the name fool you, its for Dads aswell!
This is a wonderful network to met up with other UK parent blogger's. Ive met some great people on there already and discovered some wonderful blogs, which i would never have found other wise. There are lots of groups from regional, to media requests, and of course my own autism parents group! Its a busy friendly group which always has something going on, and is open to any parent blogger in the UK.

So there you go, a brief look at my 2 favourite networks, !! I definitely recommend joining either or both of them, depending on your interests.

Someone told me about them, and if they hadn't, then I would never had known, so I thought I would do the same, enjoy.

Quick update...

I've not posted for a week as I have been busy finishing my last essay for the open university course i have been doing since October. But I'm glad to say Ive finished it and one more read through and its sent....its finished and I'm relieved!!

Ive decided to focus my time now on this blog and other Autism related things. The blog has had such a great response since i started it up again, and I'm quite shocked that people actually want to hear about what I have to say if I'm honest!

Its helped me believe that I can deal with Autism and I have ideas and knowledge that I can share with others, that could make a difference, and that I can contribute a lot to the Autism community.
Its also been a great way to meet other autism parents and share ideas and thoughts on ways to help, which has been one of the best things about the blog, and the other networking sites that I'm on.

So that's it for now. Once this essay has been sent I can celebrate and then concentrate on learning more about autism, meeting more people, sharing what knowledge I have through the blog, and creating a lot more, hopefully interesting, posts... so watch out!!

Ruby..the therapeutic dog

Ruby is a Yorkshire terrier. We have had her since December and she is now 6 months old. I got her for 2 reasons.

1. company for me when the kids are staying at their dads some weekends and just company in general and
2. for S...so she is also a therapeutic dog.

I thought it would help S to show emotions, if that's the right phrase...I'm not sure, it makes him sound Vulcan!!

Put it this way if I want a cuddle from him or a kiss I literally have to pin him down and hold on to him for dear life and cuddle him, with him loosely putting his arms half way around me for 5 seconds then letting go. All very emotional less. His 3 year old brother E on the other hand is always cuddling me and kissing me and likes nothing better than to hold hands while we watch the TV...a complete contrast!! *(the contrast and how different it is now, having a non-autsim child is another blog post!)

So I thought a dog would help S to show his feelings and it has worked!!

hurrah...one mission accomplished!!

He cuddles her and plays with her and likes to have her sitting on his lap and he does show emotional towards her....to the point now where he wont leave her alone!

He still never cuddles me, I have to ask for a "limp" cuddle but I'm used to it. Its just good to see him actually taking an emotional interest and showing that he is capable of it, in his own way.

Ok one minute he can be all over the dog, then the next its as if she isn't there...its never contestant like you or I would be with a pet but....its worked and he loves Ruby, as we all do.

Going to the shop....and why.

Ive been trying to persuade S to go to the shop, which is only 2 minutes away, for ages now. He wont go. He said he is too scared to go on his own....which is fair enough.

Friday afternoon he went with his friends to the shop to get something, a cap gun. Then Saturday morning he got up and shouted "is the shop open?" I said yes, and the next thing i know he is dressed and running around saying hes going down the shop to get some caps for this toy gun. After a manic few minutes of me trying to talk to him, have you got your phone, have you got money, what are you going to do after etc, He went of to the shop...on his own...end off!

So because *he* wanted something desperately that was within reach he didn't give anything else a thought...."I need caps from the shop" was his motivation and nothing could distract him from that! If I had said...get me some milk while you are there...he would have said "no, I'm not going then!"
It always has been on his terms....everything from playing to learning. The school call this manipulation!! yes...they have no idea, don't even get me started!!

I always say he sees life with blinkers on....he is purely motivated by what he wants..because that is how his brain is wired! He cannot see other peoples perspective or their needs. he is driven by his own needs. If those needs cannot be met, that's it...meltdown time. if something happened or needs to be done that doesn't fall within the remit of his wants and needs....its not going to happen, unless i can turn it around to fit him. I'm always 5 steps ahead, or at least try to be. He has always been like this, since birth, never interested in anyone or anything unless it can help him, because he cannot see any other way of looking at things. I have no idea if this makes any sense...please let me know! All I do know is that.....

This isn't manipulation....this is autism....

The blog is back! with a new direction!

Yes I've decided to start blogging again!! Why....well its all thanks to twitter.

Yesterday I sent a tweet which to me was just a normal tweet...
( my first attempt at trying to get a screen print to work. hopefully you can read it!)

I sent this then probably went a made a cuppa. When I went back to twitter I had so many replies I was gob smacked! My twitter friends were saying how good that was and asking me questions, I even had people tweeting me who had seen it on the timeline.

I don't post a lot about autism on twitter for 2 reasons.
1. This is where i have fun!
2. I thought i would bore people and no one really wants to hear about it.

I think I may have been wrong! People do want to hear about autsim, maybe not on twitter all the time but they do want to read about how people deal with autism and what happens in day to day life.

So Ive decided to carry on with this blog and concentrate on the autism issues I face and how my son and I deal with them (or not!) I always try and help other people I come across as my son was diagnosed when he was 3 in 2003 so alot of people ask me about autism as I've been dealing with it for so many years.

I'm now thinking that this blog may be the best way to help other parents and it will also help me to remember I'm not alone in this.

My hope is that people read the coming posts and learn, share and tell other people about it and i can try and make a small difference in the huge world of Autism!!

So that's it for now... please leave any comments you have and pimp my blog!!!

A brief snippet of my life...

Ive been sorta busy the last week, well it was half term so kiddywinks were home so it was complete madness!! Ive decided to leave my blog to just grow naturally ( or should that be organically!) and just post about...well anything really!!

So, apart from having another essay due in a couple of weeks, my other concern (AGAIN) has been my eldest sons education. Although progress has been made today. To cut a long story short, I'm his carer as he has high functioning autism. I'm not gonna go on about it too much as that's not what i wanna do with this blog, but suffice to say, hes a normal kid, but sees and interprets the world differently. For instance, we are in the front room and I say to him " can you take your plate outside" Now YOU know that i mean the kitchen. HIS reply was "why do i have to take my plate to the garden, that's s stupid thing to do, you don't put plates in the garden"etc etc. I rest my case.

So I have trouble getting him to read and do homework at home, as in his mind school is for school work and home is for playing games! What do I find in his reading book....a note saying "please get him to learn these words as he is very behind and needs to make progress for middle school. " well I nearly blew my top, and I replied" I know he is behind and needs to make progress, I thought that was the SCHOOLS JOB!" ok bit OTT, but I keep telling them I'm having trouble getting him to do stuff at home and they, actually everyone, just ignores it. Its just me and the kids, and I cant go every day with hours spent arguing over reading a book! ( Ive already had 3 years of it so trust me I cant take much more!!)

I must say tho that today I found out that he is doing his homework in school and he IS doing it and NOT moaning about it...which is very good progress for him, and finally something postive from the school.

This is just a snippet of what goes on, and if you magnify it by about 1000 then "welcome to my life". I will just carry on with the mental exhaustion...! (no not really, I'm good to go!!)

End of ranting.....