One with, One without: June 2009

S was Diagnosed in 2003, when he was 3, with High functioning autism. Now he comes across as any other boy, makes jokes, plays games and watches spongebob. Its not apparent he has a difficulty so people either think he is naughtly, has odd ways, or do not take us seriously.
He is like any other boy...and he has autism.
E was born in 2005, and does not have autism. He acts in ways that I had no idea about, laughs at my jokes, acts like a clown, plays with toys and watches spongebob too.
He is like any other boy...just like his brother
This is my musings, experiances, and anything else as the mum of one son with autism, and one son without it. I hope it makes a difference.

Learning all over again

Its really quite strange, but I knew that my youngest son E, didn't have autism from the moment he was born!

He looked at me, that's it. No sixth sense or anything, he just looked at me. As the weeks and months progressed, it was obvious he didn't have autism, and it was a completely new concept for me to get my head around!

It still amazes me today at the things that my youngest does, things that most parents take for granted. I never took anything for granted with S, and things that children learn automatically, from copying/imitating/instinct, never happened, so I had to teach him. I never realised this until I had my youngest, who learned things on his own, then I realised that S didn't have that ability. (he was my first child so I didn't know any different)
S rarely looked at me as a baby/toddler, and when he was older he used to take me by the hand if he wanted something, I was a tool that he could use to obtain things, and then when he got what he needed, I was no longer necessary.
Sounds harsh I know, but that's how it was. There was no emotional attachment, unlike my youngest who looked at me, wanted cuddles, wanted to be with me and wanted to get things for himself, and would only resort to asking me to help him if he couldn't do It!

Even now my youngest wants me to sit with him, do things with him and It took a lot of getting used too! I was used to a child that wanted to be left on his own, didn't make a fuss, or the extreme was having to do strange things or drawing that used to last all day because he would do the same thing over and over again, tantrums because he didn't understand, it was extremes, one or the other, no in between.
I was also used to a child that couldn't speak until around the age of 4, that didn't ask questions, that wasn't interested in going out side to play, or interested in the world around him.

I didn't realise what I, or S to be honest, had missed out on in the early years. My youngest is always playing with toys, pretend playing, cuddling me (that was a new concept for me!) asking questions, trying to write, trying to read...the list is endless.

Having my first child with autism, then one without autism,has been difficult, its taken a long time to adjust to the differences and its been a steep learning curve because I didn't know what a child without autism did! I still ask my friends if E "should be doing this" because I don't know.
In a way its like having a first child and knowing nothing, and learning to be a parent all over again.

Baby face

Ive been busy the past week or so but Ive finally got round to writing a new post!

S has been OK ish the last couple of weeks, although lately Ive noticed he has changed his DVD viewing habits. Hes taken to watching cbeebies DVDs or big cook little cook and pingu. Ok so that's not a bad thing, nothing to worry about really but take that along with the fact that hes been a a little bit different, I'm wondering if there's something up with him.

The "Dark" thing has not been an issue to much, yes all the lights are on and yes he still says "Dark..take me to bed!" but its not a huge impact on our lives.

He has though been quieter than usual at times, being on his own more and showing his "babyface" as i call it. "Baby face" is when he starts to act differently. His facial expression is different, that of a scared toddler, he talks differently, calling me "mama" and his voice sounds all "babyish". He has always done this so I'm used to it. I think its a form of regression, to act like a toddler again, because he finds it difficult being his age, the demands of school etc and its a dam sight easier to act like a baby/toddler. I always wonder if there is a reason that triggers him to act like this, or if its just the way his autism is with him, periods of regression at home and then times when he acts pretty much OK. Ive never been able to find out a reason from him, and I think its because he cannot actually express the way he is feeling. I'm not even sure if he knows himself. I'm leaning towards the ...the way his autism is with him... theory but what with the changes coming up I hope that they don't push him further into a regression.

The big change is coming up in September (I have to start thinking about it now, well actually Ive been thinking about before now!) as he goes to middle school. Ive already had to explain that he will be going every day as he thought it would be only once a week and he would be staying at primary school! The new school have been great so far so I have no worries about him going, he is going to do well and get a lot of support for a change, which will help improve his reading (its a few years behind because he doesn't "do" books) I wonder if he is thinking about changing school, and that is the reason he has changed lately, but when I ask him he says no, and says everything is fine, as usual. I just hope he copes OK with the change after a few weeks of settling in. With support he should do.

So that's it so far, I hope that my ramblings have made sense! I find it quite hard sometimes as everything that S does is "normal" to me, so I have to think "is this worth writing about"! So far, so good though!