Learning all over again
Its really quite strange, but I knew that my youngest son E, didn't have autism from the moment he was born!
He looked at me, that's it. No sixth sense or anything, he just looked at me. As the weeks and months progressed, it was obvious he didn't have autism, and it was a completely new concept for me to get my head around!
It still amazes me today at the things that my youngest does, things that most parents take for granted. I never took anything for granted with S, and things that children learn automatically, from copying/imitating/instinct, never happened, so I had to teach him. I never realised this until I had my youngest, who learned things on his own, then I realised that S didn't have that ability. (he was my first child so I didn't know any different)
S rarely looked at me as a baby/toddler, and when he was older he used to take me by the hand if he wanted something, I was a tool that he could use to obtain things, and then when he got what he needed, I was no longer necessary.
Sounds harsh I know, but that's how it was. There was no emotional attachment, unlike my youngest who looked at me, wanted cuddles, wanted to be with me and wanted to get things for himself, and would only resort to asking me to help him if he couldn't do It!
Even now my youngest wants me to sit with him, do things with him and It took a lot of getting used too! I was used to a child that wanted to be left on his own, didn't make a fuss, or the extreme was having to do strange things or drawing that used to last all day because he would do the same thing over and over again, tantrums because he didn't understand, it was extremes, one or the other, no in between.
I was also used to a child that couldn't speak until around the age of 4, that didn't ask questions, that wasn't interested in going out side to play, or interested in the world around him.
I didn't realise what I, or S to be honest, had missed out on in the early years. My youngest is always playing with toys, pretend playing, cuddling me (that was a new concept for me!) asking questions, trying to write, trying to read...the list is endless.
Having my first child with autism, then one without autism,has been difficult, its taken a long time to adjust to the differences and its been a steep learning curve because I didn't know what a child without autism did! I still ask my friends if E "should be doing this" because I don't know.
In a way its like having a first child and knowing nothing, and learning to be a parent all over again.
He looked at me, that's it. No sixth sense or anything, he just looked at me. As the weeks and months progressed, it was obvious he didn't have autism, and it was a completely new concept for me to get my head around!
It still amazes me today at the things that my youngest does, things that most parents take for granted. I never took anything for granted with S, and things that children learn automatically, from copying/imitating/instinct, never happened, so I had to teach him. I never realised this until I had my youngest, who learned things on his own, then I realised that S didn't have that ability. (he was my first child so I didn't know any different)
S rarely looked at me as a baby/toddler, and when he was older he used to take me by the hand if he wanted something, I was a tool that he could use to obtain things, and then when he got what he needed, I was no longer necessary.
Sounds harsh I know, but that's how it was. There was no emotional attachment, unlike my youngest who looked at me, wanted cuddles, wanted to be with me and wanted to get things for himself, and would only resort to asking me to help him if he couldn't do It!
Even now my youngest wants me to sit with him, do things with him and It took a lot of getting used too! I was used to a child that wanted to be left on his own, didn't make a fuss, or the extreme was having to do strange things or drawing that used to last all day because he would do the same thing over and over again, tantrums because he didn't understand, it was extremes, one or the other, no in between.
I was also used to a child that couldn't speak until around the age of 4, that didn't ask questions, that wasn't interested in going out side to play, or interested in the world around him.
I didn't realise what I, or S to be honest, had missed out on in the early years. My youngest is always playing with toys, pretend playing, cuddling me (that was a new concept for me!) asking questions, trying to write, trying to read...the list is endless.
Having my first child with autism, then one without autism,has been difficult, its taken a long time to adjust to the differences and its been a steep learning curve because I didn't know what a child without autism did! I still ask my friends if E "should be doing this" because I don't know.
In a way its like having a first child and knowing nothing, and learning to be a parent all over again.
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- tracy_tp
- Im a full time single mum of 2 boys. My eldest son is 9 and has autism, my 4 year old does'nt! im studying creative writing with the ou, and i'm a sci fi geek...sorry!
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Thanks Clareybabble!
8 comments:
It sounds like you have learned so much already. I would also hazzard a guess that by being so honest and open on your blog your are teaching countless others as you navigate the world!
Another great post.
This sounds quite similar to our situation. Although Little S hasn't been diagnosed with autism I've noticed huge differences between him and his sister. She is much more socialable and doesn't want to play on her own like S used to. I could leave him for hours if I wanted to! I also find everything she does so amazing, like babbling and chattering from an early age, whereas S didn't say much at all (although I would never change S for the world). I think it makes you appreciate the little things so much more.
I agree with Modern Mum that it sounds like you have learned so much already. Parenthood is one big learning curve for most parents and it sounds like you're coping brilliantly xx
What a brilliant post. I guess you have an extreme example of how each child is different and special in their own way. xx
I've tagged you over at mine... x
I have tagged you (again, sorry!)for a very good cause over at my blog x
My son is 18, my daughter 15. One with, one without, just like you oldest with. So many parallels. I survived parenting him till he was an adult! He is even studying media and screen at diploma level. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. I'm on twitter lissyvz, also blogspot, same tag.
Hi this is Medenham from Twitter. I was impressed with your log. My son was diagnosed with being very low on the autistic spectrum (if at all, he had a test to see if he needs the test, which he will get in about a years time). He does have OCD and thats why they tested him for autism. So anyway I have put your blog on my favourites and when I go on my blog I will follow you.
I Work with children with Autism. I get so much out of my job, although hard at times. Glad to see this blog as so many people watched The Rain Man and lump all ASD people and children together.
The Spectrum is vast and will use this blog as further education for me.
Thankyou.
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